My first blog. Scary.

Posted on: April 11th, 2013 by Jane Maxwell No Comments

I wish starting a blog was as easy as starting a new piece of art. They’re seemingly similar in so many ways. Blank screen. Blank canvas. Ideas of what to write. An art concept ready to roll. And, in both cases, the desire to articulate something interesting and true. And, yet while I find starting a piece of art exhilarating and filled with potential, I find the idea of writing my first blog daunting. I could say it’s because life is complicated and time is short. Or, that I’ve been putting all my creative energy into building art, so there’s no innovation left. But, the truth is, it’s fear. Fear of starting something new. Fear of overt self promotion. Fear of being profoundly uninteresting. So, that is at the root of why it has taken me literally years to start writing a blog. But, here I am. Scared shitless, putting fingers to keyboard. And, thinking back to a time when it wasn’t all that fun starting a piece of art. When I first started building collages, I was wracked with fear that I would make something that looked shallow or silly. Or worse, that I’d put my heart and soul into a piece and people would see right through the work to my damaged soul. When I first began focusing solely on women and body image (or more honestly, focusing on my own body obsession) I would shamefully hide my weight watcher logs deep into the layers of a piece. I knew I wanted it in there to stand as a symbol of my struggle. Yet, I felt so much fear that family and friends might find it and know that a) I went to weight watchers and b) that I failed miserably at it again and again (you go to weight watchers and you still look like that?) Fast forward 15 years and the fear is still there. It has just morphed. I no longer fear starting a piece 96 that has become pure exhilaration and promise. It’s finishing the piece and launching it into the world that’s scary. But, not quite as scary as starting this journey of writing about – well, I’m not quite sure yet. And, that alone makes me anxious. I like a plan, a purpose, a goal. So, I sign off from this, my first blog, and hope that in time, the fear will lessen, and like starting a piece of art – I will begin to anticipate some semblance of fun and freedom in putting into writing something that someone may find interesting.

Leave a Reply